Dangermouse and the dangers of cleaning up spiderwebs

Dangermouse and the dangers of cleaning up spiderwebs

Dangermouse and the dangers of cleaning up spiderwebs

When a house needs cleaning, there are some jobs that can be more than a little bit scary. This is never more true than when having to remove cobwebs that have appeared in various nooks, crannies and dark spaces.

For some people the thought of encountering a spider is as terrifying as that of having to face up to a growling Rottweiler. Small wonder it is one of those tasks that many folk are happy to leave to the cleaner.

Unfortunately, sometimes the business of cleaning up cobwebs really can be a major issue. One might imagine that is only true in countries with deadly arachnids such as Australia, but it appears this can also be true inside a post box in London.

Not many folk live in post boxes, of course, but Dangermouse and his sidekick Penfold do. It is from this base that they regularly save the world from various villains, not least Baron Greenback, the megalomaniac toad who represents an amphibious version of James Bond's enemy Blofeld.

When it comes to a bit of spring cleaning, however, it turns out the problem originates at headquarters. After Penfold manages to evict one spider - to the relief of arachnophobe Dangermouse - he gets to work on another web, which is huge and very tangled.

However, no sooner has he pulled it out from the dark corner where it had been lodging than calamity strikes: the Colonel comes online to warn that the whole internet is "under attack".

Communication systems are failing, vital services are being lost and, Dangermouse notes, this will mean nobody can play Giraffe Warriors.

Our hero sets off to locate the source of the attack, while Penfold stays behind to tackle the enormous web, now sitting in a huge pile of sticky silk in the middle of the room. However, Dangermouse returns promptly when he learns the attack is coming from HQ. When he arrives, Penfold is assailing the web with a hacksaw.

A thought suddenly occurs to Dangermouse: "Is it possible that this web is THE web?"

Indeed it is. An expert shows up and confirms this. The world wide web is actually a vast spider web covering the planet. "What did you think it was?" she asks. "A magical network of invisible information hurtling through space?"

A horrified Dangermouse asks just how big the spider is. "Enormous," she replies, but adds that everyone is safe as long as nobody tweaks the web and attracts its attention.

Unfortunately, Penfold is now doing just that, with a pneumatic drill.

So it is the spider - which has been hiding under Ayers' Rock - emerges to cocoon the whole Earth ready to eat it. But Dangermouse has a plan. A spider this big needs a huge vacuum - the vacuum of space.

Luckily, just such a vacuum exists, conveniently floating around in orbit. This huge hoover is deployed to catch the spider, although the creature successfully pleads for its life and they allow it to flee Earth via a wormhole and bother (or, more precisely, eat) someone in another galaxy instead.

Thankfully, at Aurora we don't need any giant vacuum cleaners, as we won't face any giant spiders. But our cleaners can certainly deal with the little ones.

Seriously, they're not that big, so stop hiding behind the couch.

What is more, thanks to Dangermouse the world wide web is still up and running, enabling you to contact us to come and help clean all your cobwebs away. 


Image courtesy of iStock/Ian_Redding